This is such a sad story with a very happy ending. Okay, so one day I sat at the computer screen and began to do the usual things like check my email, check Shane's email, and help Eli earn money on his Webkinz game and something started to happen. My throat started to feel pressure and I started to breath deeply while feeling my heart racing. I started thinking about my life and my situation and I thought, 'wow! I am so unhappy.' I am a very optimistic person and have always been happy when I am with my husband and children so I began to analyze my situation. I have been having a terrible time with my health lately. I have had terrible acne, digestive problems, and my throat has been sore. I am lucky I own good makeup because I would not leave the house without it. Not to mention that I haven't been able to sing since we came to Washington from Hawaii. I realized how lost I have been without my voice. I always used to sing around the house and I was feeling so empty. I have to lay my children down at night without singing them a song and finally now Eli just says, "You'll tuck us in and give us kisses, but no songs anymore right?" I have been trying so hard to get my health insurance figured out so I can get into the right doctors and get taken care of. I thought about how greatful I was to have my family around to help us out. Shane hasn't gotten a job since we moved and we've been living with family. I took a break and went to the restroom and after washing my hands I saw a face in the mirror that I didn't recognize. I am not vain but I was so proud of myself for getting healthy, losing weight while doing P90X last spring. I saw some weight gain due to inactivity, eating habits, and a presciption I'm on. I saw acne instead of Mary. I moped back to the computer screen and started looking up solutions to my health problems that I couldn't afford. I looked up different throat conditions and holistic aproaches to diagnose and cure throat conditions, different foods that promote health that were very expensive, and different vitamins that improve acne that were also expensive. I finally checked my email and saw a name that triggered the tears. Stimmel. Trying to fight through the tears I shot a quick email to Leah about how my cell phone was broken and can almost never recieve or return calls on it. I ended the email that said I miss you and I was just overwhelmed. I walked into my room and just thought about how I missed all the times in Hawaii with friends. I couldn't quite figure out why I was sad now and not as much a couple months ago. I decided I needed to do something about this whole problem. I knew I couldn't get Shane a job, or just buy what I needed/wanted, but I could be more proactive about other things. I feel uncomfortable working out in front of people, so living with people doesn't help that situation. I can't buy any food I want because we are being assisted from other people. I could however show up at my doctor's everyday to let them know how important and high priority I need to be. All my hard work at bugging the doctors paid off and I am seeing an allergist and an ENT next week. YAY! I had a nice weekend spending time in Vancouver with the Stimmel's for Taylor's birthday. It really made my weekend. Then to top off the wonderful weekend Shane got a phone call last night and YES HE HAS A JOB!!!!!!! He starts training on the 17th and I'll go into that later, but we are extremely excited. I was so excited about all the progress that was made for our future in just a couple days. Yesterday didn't feel as good as I thought it should. I spent time with Shane and my family, but there was still a little empty feeling. I know part of it is still not having my voice back, but I couldn't figure out what else to do. I woke up this morning at 4am, could't fall back asleep, and went to the computer again. I found myself looking up Shane's new company and places to live and I read something about Christmas that said Noel on it. My thoughts immediately went to Noelle and I started to cry. I went straight to a site that has not been looked up in a long time. My Blog. I realize at that moment what was missing. I have been so distracted with my own life and problems that I forgot to keep checking in on those that I have come to care about in the last three years. I blame it on those darn Twilight books that distracted me so much. Thanks Noelle for that. After I finished the final book I forgot to go back to blogging. I couldn't fall asleep and knew I needed to post before I walked away from the computer screen again. I miss you Shanae, Angie, Hillary, Erin, Keiko, and Noelle. I can't wait to get caught up on your lives. I'm sorry I got so self-absorbed but you'll be hearing from me more often. I love you all!
Here are a few updated pictures of the boys! Jacob just had his First Birthday on Oct. 27th and he's walking. Seth and Eli and doing well but miss their friends so much!
